Dumb Sh!t People Say (and do)

January 2, 2011

This is bound to be the first of many posts of this nature…

After 6 days of straight rain, we had super cold weather (for here) once it stopped raining. Of course, we had a hockey game, and coming into the parking lot, the nice girl bodes us a warning: “Be careful out here, it’s cold.” Ummm – okay… I’m dressed for a hockey game, so it’s cool I tell her. She looks at me quizzically and asks, “Is it cold in there?” How do I answer this? Um – yeah, honey, they play on ICE!!! Wow. That one blew me away.

How about that group of people that walking down a crowded street or sidewalk and insists on walking SIDE BY SIDE BY SIDE BY SIDE!!! Are they intentionally blocking the way? Or are they just oblivious? (And I worry about being rude by pushing through them.)

They must be the same people that get on the freeway at 35 mph, and stop at green right turn arrows. I know a lady and her mantra is “Common Sense Is Unattractive” – how true that is!

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As Seen on TV

January 1, 2011

Easy Feet.

Wow – what will they think of next? I mean really? I happened to catch the commercial for these yesterday and could not believe my eyes. Actually, it’s not even the product that made me so incredulous. It was the commercial.

As someone with a bit (not much) of marketing/advertising experience, I can say with full authority, this commercial was like watching a train wreck. It was so bad – but you just can’t tear yourself away. At no time, however, did it occur to me that this might be a product I can’t live without.

So the idea is that you pour liquid soap over the straps that cross the tops of your feet. Then, it trickles down and as you kick your legs, the soap suds’ up and cleans your feet. There’s a pumice stone on each heel of the shoe. (How in the hell are you supposed to use that on any other part of your foot if you can’t reach your feet?) Okay, so this is a typical “as seen on TV” type product – right up there with Ginsu knives… so get ready for it… yes, they said it! “But wait – there’s more!” (Actually, that’s one of my favorite lines when uttered with the appropriate inflection of sarcasm.) You can get TWO pairs of shoes!

I was so annoyed by this commercial that I had to check out the website.

Copied from their website:

OFFER DETAILS:
Each Buy One, Get One FREE set includes two Easy Feet shoes for only $14.99 plus $7.99 for each shoe. This offer is covered by a 30 day money back guarantee less S&H.

And then: “Just pay separate  $7.99 S&H for each easy feet shoe.”

Ummmm… So, you get 2 pair for $14.99 but you have to pay in excess of $32 for S&H? Wow – not reading the fine print will really screw you on this one!

I’m not entirely sure why this ad really stuck in my craw, but it’s been bugging me for a fill 24 hours. So now it can bug you too! It’s the season of sharing, right?


Peeve Purge

December 31, 2010

My comment about negative posts and rants has really stuck with me. So I thought, in honor of the impending shiny new year, why not publicly purge my peeves? (That sounds like something that should be done in private, doesn’t it?) So here it goes in no particular order:

  • When people speak over me when I’m speaking (especially when they have just asked for an answer or my opinion)
  • People who bathe in fragrance knowing they will be in close quarters – such as seated close together at a hockey game. No, no matter HOW expensive the “fragrance” it does NOT mean a) it smells good nor b) it will cover up your funk
  • People who have that gnarly B.O. that we call funk – YUCK
  • Bad breath and mouth breathers – especially in confined places. If you drink a lot of coffee or have a cold, chew gum or keep your mouth shut when you’re in close proximity to others.
  • Drivers that jump in front of you to slam on the brakes – especially when there’s no one behind you
  • What my friend refers to as “smacking” when eating – you know, the people who swish liquid like mouthwash and chew with their mouths open
  • When people let doors slam shut on you when it’s obvious you have your hands full
  • Drivers that don’t let pedestrians have their (rightful) right of way in the pouring rain
  • Pedestrians that cross against the signal in front of cars
  • People in the locker room at the gym that run around with nothing (and I mean literally NOTHING) on – and then feel it necessary to inspect their toes – without taking a seat. GAH I do not need to see your business!
  • Know it-all’s – particularly when they know NOTHING about the topic
  • Intolerance. Granted, I don’t agree with many things people do, but I don’t shove my beliefs and opinions down their throats. (Remember, you’re reading this of your own free will – I’m not forcing you! LOL)
  • Taggers. Especially when it’s on private property. The homeowner is fined if THEY don’t take care of cleaning it up, yet the cities let it stay for weeks, if not months.
  • Political ad campaigns.
  • Drug advertisements. If the drug companies weren’t allowed to advertise (think of the restrictions on tobacco & alcohol) and they took even a small portion of that budget and put it towards research for things like cancer and Alzheimer’s, just think what kind of progress could be made.
  • Socks that end up around your toes in boots.
  • Boots that don’t stay up.
  • People that fart in public. Is it really necessary to inflict that kind of nasal pain on unsuspecting passers-by?
  • Dog owners that do not clean up their dog’s shit on my lawn.
  • Adult acne. Isn’t it enough we had to deal with that shit as awkward teenagers?
  • Store workers that ignore you. I was shopping for roller blades today (more on this later) and in two different stores, I was completely ignored! Just because I’m an over-weight chick doesn’t mean I can’t learn to Rollerblade. And when I do finally get some help, don’t “ma’am” me.

By all means, this list is not conclusive.

What are your peeves?


Screw you, Superior Court

December 29, 2010

That’s right, I said what everyone’s thinking. Especially when you pull you mail in and discover a jury summons. For VALENTINE’S DAY. Excellent. I guess it could have been worse and landed on my birthday.

It was just about a year ago that I was summoned for service. I called in the night before and was told to report. Of course, I was unemployed so it wasn’t that big of a deal. But those were the days of attempting to please all the relatives by travelling to them at Christmas so I had plans! After being late (I got lost in the parking structure and couldn’t find the courthouse – only me!) I found myself parked for the day. Nearing the end of the day, I ended up in a courtroom with a bunch of other potentials… they selected the jury two people before I was going to be called.

Now, with my fancy schmancy new job, I actually get paid for jury duty, which pretty much seals my fate. It’s not that I mind doing my civic duty and all that, it’s just that so many cases should never get to this point in the first place. Plus, who is going to do my mountains of work while I’m being a juror? Sigh… SCREW YOU SUPERIOR COURT! (I know… that’s not helping my case, but somehow, I doubt any of the judges are reading…)


If it’s not one thing…

July 15, 2010

…then it’s another.

We got our wall knocked down (still need to do some more work on it – mudding, sanding, painting, etc.). It looks great! I love the open feel. I also got my kitchen counter tiles cut & glued back on. Well, when I say I “got” them done, I did it, with some help from MIL. Next step is grout. Turns out we got the wrong grout color. Thankfully I realized this before I started applying it!

Then, we realize our oven isn’t working. WTF? It’s one of the little in-wall jobs. Only like 24 inches. Not easy to find. Oh, and a while back the door on our ice chute quit opening. So if you don’t stick your finger up the hole to hold the door open, the ice doesn’t come down. Key problem here is that it will eventually come down when there’s enough backed up pushing it out. Hubby seemed to  think that worked just fine. Until the ice melted & refroze into a solid block in the chute. NOT FUN!

So, I called out an appliance repair guy. The part for the oven (let’s call it the brain) has been discontinued. Seriously? The freakin thing is only 10 years old!! The part for the fridge is only $15. Labor is $69. But I’m stuck, so I tell him to get the part & come back. He also says he can find basically an aftermarket part for the oven. It will run between $300-375 to fix including labor. Well, this is AT LEAST halfway to a new oven. Thing is, I don’t want a separate oven & cooktop. I have three sections of counter top that are about 1 foot max. If I could get rid of the cooktop, I would gain another 36″ of counter, PLUS the area on either side.

My quandary now is what kind of range to get? I REALLY REALLY REALLY want a smooth top. That means electric. Of course, the kitchen is not set up for electric. We have plans to completely remodel the kitchen in the next few years. So, do I cheap out now & buy new then? Or do I just get what I want now and make sure it will work in the grand plan? I was leaning towards the latter, but the choices for electric ranges are slim. Sure you can find them online, but you don’t have a clue about what they REALLY look like. And all the stores charge a 25% restocking fee if you return it because you don’t like it. (I understand it costs them money to return, but how am I supposed to know how the racks slide? What the configuration is? How the door opens? All with just a photo – that is a thumbnail no less – to base my decision?)

The only one I could actually see was an Electrolux (you know, Kelly Ripa’s brand? LOL) and it was $3000. Before tax, delivery & extended warranty. The least expensive I could find online is $1200. If I just went with a freestanding gas model, I could probably get away under $1000. We’re fortunate to have a Sears outlet (scratch & dent) nearby, and I have the time to shop it daily if I have to. But they don’t even CARRY the electric models I want, so the chances of them getting a return is pretty darned slim.

Oh, and part of the reason I just want to get a new range is because the grates on my cooktop are basically destroyed. I called to see about replacing them (all four, because they are junk) and they want…. drumroll…. $95. EACH. I asked the guy if they were gold-plated. Or at the very least, self-cleaning. Unfortunately, neither.

Damn. I just need to win the freaking lottery.


THAT Friend…

June 29, 2010

Maybe a good kick is in order?

Is it just me, or does everyone attract jerky friends? There’s one friend I’m thinking of here – ultra-competitive and egotistical pretty much sum her up. It’s so strange because she can be a ton of fun and very caring.  

Back story: We got to know her a few years ago when she started dating a friend of ours. They’ve been married for a while now. At the time, her goofiness that placed her at the center of attention was chalked up to her being out of her element and with only her boyfriend as someone she knew well. WRONG!

She’s always right. Always. Doesn’t matter if she doesn’t know “jack” about the topic, she’ll argue to the death, until you can provide PROOF she’s wrong. Then she just shrugs it off like it was no big deal. Nevermind the gaping, bloody wounds. Problem is, she’s doing this more and more. She has to compete for time, attention, the most friends, the best appliances, the best brand name bags, etc. Her insecurities are so huge that her attempts to cover them with material diversions is going to put them into bankruptcy (not to mention her hubby’s issues – which I won’t even go into). And then she has the gall to bitch about their financial status. If anyone mentions these splurges, she becomes defensive and rationalizes. It’s crazy really.

Your everyday pack of ravenous wolves

They’ve got pets too. Good ones. Unfortunately, they are often not home at chow time and they call “favors” on friends and family. Just yesterday I got a call ONE HOUR before chow time. While I wanted to say “go fly a kite”, I pictured the happy faces of the sweet pets. It’s not their fault their people parents suck. Why should they go hungry? I couldn’t do it. I’m such a sucker for animals. Maybe I should have stopped that sentence at “sucker”.  After all, I’m the dependable one. I’m always here (no job, no life). So just default to me. It’s no big deal, right?

Being “friends” with her is becoming much more trouble than it’s worth. But I just can’t break up with her on a post-it…..

My hubby says I should have ignored the call yesterday, and if she called my cell, lie and say I was too far away. I can’t do that. One because it’s blatantly lying (NOT that he’s usually comfortable with that sort of thing) and two, because the poor animals. I know they won’t starve by the time someone gets home to feed them. But they honestly do know what time it is, and wolf down their food if it’s late.

So a while back, my hubby had some stuff stored at her hubby’s storage. He made a crack about charging rent. My hubby retorted with “right after we charge you for feeding your pets!” (Good one, hubs!) I didn’t know about the exchange, and “friend” offered to pay me for my “trouble” in feeding the pets. I felt awkward by that, so I declined. She was insistent on doing “something” for me. We finally settled on a mani/pedi. It was really nice. Any chance I get to get my toes did makes me happy. Especially if someone else is footing the bill. I found out after the fact about the traded barbs and it really soured me on the little indulgence. AND the fact she didn’t fess up about it all. (At the time I was caring for the pets at least three times a week.)

I’m just SO not competitive (at least not the way she is). I don’t WANT to be the center of attention in a room full of people. I might want to kick your ass every week at Bejeweled Blitz though. But that doesn’t even really carry bragging rights. I don’t need the newest, biggest, best of whatever. If what I’ve got works, then I’m good! I’m worn out even from thinking about her in this post! And to think, I haven’t even seen her in days. Hmph. I need a break.


The Klutz and her Cat

May 21, 2010

Do you ever have those days where you’re just in a crummy mood? Stems from that sense of foreboding? What awful shoe is going to drop from the sky today?Today is that day for me.

My cat woke me up well before 6am. She was hungry. Dammit, she needs to grow thumbs so she can open the damn can herself.

Then, at 7, hubby YELLS at me: “DIDYOUFEEDYOURCAT???” I yell back “YESIDID” and try to go back to sleep. But between being annoyed about him yelling to wake me up and ask me a question (WTF?), and the ruckus the cat was causing, I couldn’t sleep. (Meanwhile, said cat has been quite needy today.)

I go on about my day. Drive to the coastal town where my in-laws have a house, just to clear the mailbox of junk mail. On the way, I’m delayed by 87 blue-haired looky-lou tourists. For the love of GOD – pull over if you’re gonna stare at the ocean. Haven’t you heard of target fixation? Encounter more lame drivers on the way back.

But the topper was when I attempted to get into my car to leave my house for the beach. Now, I have an SUV. It’s not very high off the ground, nor is it difficult to get into. However, in my extreme grace, I managed to:

  • turn both ankles
  • twist my (bad) knee
  • tweak my (bad) back
  • hyper-extend my wrist
  • leave a key imprint in my right ring finger

Seriously. All this – just getting in the car. What happened, you ask? My shoe caught the edge between the lawn and the concrete driveway, thus turning my left ankle. The rest was fallout from the ensuing crash. WHO crashes getting INTO their vehicle?

I need a nap. (Wait, is that wise? I could have hit my head and lost consciousness.)